Because He Can NOT Believe I Watched That.

Reality tv is the sideshow of our time, and I’m sure I’m not the first to notice that.

Shows about bodybuilders? Check. People with lots of tattoos? Check. The morbidly obese? Check. Little people? Check.

That’s what we’re supposed to call the vertically challenged now. “Little People”. When I was young I heard the preferred, politically correct word was “midget”, but this was way way back in the prehistoric day when “politically correct” wasn’t even a thing, and apparently times have changed. “Midget” is now considered a derogatory term (the “m-word”), but it seems “dwarf” is ok even though last I heard (in the way back prehistoric day), that word was a big no-no. But the main appropriate term is “Little People”. Are we all caught up? Good.

I know all this because recently The Canadian made me watch a show with him called “Little Women: LA”*

And I feel like I should back up a little here, lest you get the wrong idea about The Canadian. When The Canadian wants to watch tv properly, he leans toward horror movies, critically acclaimed dramas, and respectable documentaries. But sometimes he’s too tired to focus on anything that requires more than two brain cells, and just needs something distracting enough to shut his overactive brain off.

You know, like how sometimes when you’re too tired at the end of the day to make and eat a proper dinner, so you end up on the couch with a pile of junk? Little Women: LA is the viewing equivalent of a family bag of Doritos, big bowl of ice cream, and half a bottle of tequila.

The Canadian said that he read somewhere that Eddie Murphy said it was his favorite show because it was funny but didn’t mean to be, and I haven’t even googled to see if that’s true because I don’t want to be disappointed if it isn’t. This show follows a group of six female “friends”, and is pretty much every dumb “reality” show ever; with contrived situations and ludicrous interpersonal drama and cat fights over cocktails, except it’s like munchkin cats**, because they’re all Little People.

And of course it’s made for the kind of people who still have cable television, with ads, and also apparently the kind of people who can’t keep track of What Just Happened for the duration of an ad break, and need a recap. So there WE are, watching it on Amazon Prime video, and every ten minutes or so it will repeat, in the most melodramatic way, the highlights of what happened over the last ten minutes.

I swear I could feel my IQ points dropping.

Yes we KNOW the girls got pissed off at some guy who took a picture of all six of them walking down the Vegas strip, we just SAW that …… and to be FAIR, he probably didn’t think his little snapshot was a big deal because y’all are being followed by a FREAKING CAMERA CREW.

I began to wonder if the whole damn thing wasn’t a subtle parody of reality tv. I swear a couple times one or two of the Little Women looked like they were trying not to laugh when they were having a ludicrous bitchy fight over some stupid nothing……

Anyway, we had to stop, obviously. Just like you have to when you look at the giant empty bag of Doritos through a tequila headache haze and realize you need to wipe the ice cream off your chin and drink some water……And rethink your life choices.

So The Canadian has been cleansing the palate of his brain by watching Downton Abby, and I’ve been catching up on the final season of Z Nation.

No, I did not put those around the wrong way. Yes, we are very interesting people.

Probably the worst thing about “Little Women: LA” though, is that it actually sucks you in. After a few episodes I really started to ….. well, not CARE, but definitely get into it. I found myself saying things to The Canadian like: “I can’t believe Joe didn’t go with Terra to Christy and Todd’s wedding! You know, I think he’s just not as invested in the relationship as she is, and she could do better.”

Then the season ended, and I kind of wanted to know what happened next.

Will Elena, the hot Russian dwarf,*** have a baby with her regular height husband?

Will Traci relent, and invite Christy to her wedding?

Will Joe ever propose to Terra?

Will divorcée Brianna find love?

Will Christy and Todd live happily ever after?

Will Tonya stick with her new guy, Tyrone? Or rekindle the flame with her on-again, off-again, long term boyfriend/baby-daddy, Kerwin?

Well, that is what the Internet is for, people. In five minutes I had realized that there were seven more seasons of this thing, and that there was no way my brain could handle sitting through THAT to satisfy my idle curiosity: and (spoilers!) yes, no, yes, yes, no, and Kerwin.

ALSO, there are multiple OTHER “Little Women” shows. New York, Texas, Atlanta ……apparently there are feisty, photogenic groups of Little People gal pals all OVER the country. My guess is that as in the LA show, many of them are already in the entertainment industry. In LW:LA, at least half of them were professional performers. Specifically; miniature impersonators. TWO of them do shows where they dress as Lady Gaga and twerk their little booties up on stage. Yes, there’s a whole INDUSTRY of which I was previously unaware, and noooooo I’m sure it’s not exploitive at all. At least no more exploitive than this show****

Excuse me, I’m off now to refresh my soul with some more exploding zombies.


*SPOILER: it is NOT written by Louisa May Alcott.

**I’m guessing “munchkin” is also not an acceptable “m-word”. One of the ladies ripped into a passerby for petting her on the head and calling her “cute”, which is fair enough because yeah that’s just super-duper patronizing. But I also couldn’t help being reminded of the scene from Zootopia, where Judy Hopps informs the desk sergeant that it’s ok for bunnies to call each other “cute”, but insulting from anyone else. Regardless, I think we can ALL agree that munchkin cats are adorable.

***yes. Hot Russian Dwarf.

****this is where we insert a serious, scholarly discussion on the comparative exploitive qualities of the historical sideshow versus the modern reality show; how complicit the participants are in said exploitation, and whether it can still be fairly categorized as exploitation when the subjects are willing participants and personally profiting from the process.

Or we WOULD, but this is obviously not that kind of blog. Back to the zombies!

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