For busy people who need a stiff drink but don’t have time to fiddle about, dammit.

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Caribbean Iced Tea

1 cup of iced tea (that’s 8 fluid ounces, because I’m American, oh no now you know my horrible secret, eye-roll, but it probably wouldn’t make any difference if you used a metric cup)

2 shots of rum

A slice of lemon, to prevent scurvy (optional)

Serve in a mason jar, or whatever, and sip languidly on the porch at the height of summer, softly murmuring “Aaargh” at random intervals.

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The Break-up Bomb

Pour a glass of champagne or other sparkling wine. Drop in a shot glass full of moonshine, any flavor. Call your girlfriends and bitch about men.

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The Slutty Mary

Get a bottled fruit smoothie. Or go ahead and blend up your own if that’s the kind of little Susie Homemaker you are. Just be sure to include at least five different kinds of juice. But not tomato, that’s disgusting. And no celery. For the love of all that is good and holy, no celery. 

Add vodka. Then taste it, then call The Sicilian  and let her add however much more she feels is appropriate.

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The Magic Norton

Add 2 shots of whisky to 1 cup of sparkling apple juice, and garnish with a crispy bacon rasher (Optional. But super fun.)

Or you know, just go ahead and serve with a giant platter of bacon.

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The Whatever-Colada

Blend a few scoops of pineapple coconut ice cream (or really any fruity ice cream) with however much white rum (or you know, ANY kind of rum) you feel you need.

One shot….two shots….. whatever your personal alcohol to calories preference is.

Festive umbrella and salty attitude optional.