Pseudonyms seemed like a good idea at the time. After all, the Internet is a wild and crazy place, a bit like if the Wild West and Las Vegas had a baby. And then that baby grew up to make some questionable life choices and take a lot of drugs.
So if you’re gonna go riding into town maybe throw on a Lone Ranger mask…..or at least avoid advertising your kids’ names and hometown to any random passer by.
Of course the problem with giving everyone a pseudonym on a blog is that if a random passerby just happens to drop in for a chuckle or to validate their own penchant for whimsical wine holders, it could be a little confusing ….. especially since I didn’t just rename everyone in my life “Frank” or “Bob” or “Hedwig”.
So, here’s who everyone* is:
-The Canadian: the love of my life, my gorgeous boy-toy second husband who wasn’t even BORN until the 80s, which is both bizarre and kind of cool because go me, I’ve still got it.
-The Hair: my eldest son, a six foot two uber-geek in his early 20s. He builds computers, he programs computers, he watches anime, and he has a glorious mane of shaggy hair billowing past his shoulders.
-The Voice: my second son, tall, skinny, glasses. Deeply introverted and sweet natured. He doesn’t say much, but when he does, it’s in a deep deep bass.
-The Drama: my third son, a long thin strip of charm and wit, full of teenage angst and snappy comebacks. A thespian and an artiste. Probably single-handedly responsible for half my carefully covered grey hairs, but he sure is entertaining.
-The Kitten: my fourth child and eldest daughter (how many children does this woman HAVE? – inquires the Random Passerby). Sweet, sunny and endlessly curious. I’ve just always called her Kitten – although now she’s starting to borrow my clothes it’s getting a little silly.
-The Kicker: my youngest daughter and only child with The Canadian. At time of writing she is still a baby, so her moniker might end up the least apt. She was named so when she was a very active baby in the womb – and a life altering surprise as well.
I also have Two Adorable Stepsons, who have yet to make an appearance on the blog but when they do, I have decided to refer to as:
-The Sport: a good kid with good grades who plays sports and video games and watches tweeny tv shows, and,
-The Monkey: an evil genius wrapped in cuteness and freckles. Likely one day he will rule the world – possibly from his lair under a volcano.
And finally, occasionally, (and at this point Random Passerby has probably given up on keeping track of this cast of characters and gone to read something easier, like Shakespeare) there is:
-The Ex: that would be my ex-husband. He doesn’t often make an appearance, not because his shenanigans don’t make Leonard drink – they do – but because it is rare that I can see the funny side, no matter how much alcohol is involved. Well, except for things like this.
* Apart from me that is, but I generally just use the personal pronouns. If I must pick a moniker you can call me “The Queen”. Queen of what you ask? Oh…. I don’t know. Undone Laundry? Epic To-Do Lists? Snark? Moderately Priced Pinot Grigio? Self Deprecation? Take your pick!