Ooh ooh ooh! Let’s play: “What is Leonard fed up to the back hooves with today?”

Is it:

A. The Democratic Presidential debates

B. Toddlers who run away snickering with a diaper full of poo

C. The creeping decrepitude of middle age

D. The increasingly precise and correspondingly stupid categorizing of people into specific and stereotyped generations.

Oh well done. You’ve figured out it’s always the last one.

Look, this whole labeling of generations has been getting out of hand for years. I blame the Baby Boomers*, because they started the whole thing. YOU know the Boomers. They’re the ones born in the post World War Two baby boom, who came of age in the 1960s, and who won’t shut up about the 60’s. They keep making documentaries about it, 90% of which feature the opening riff of that one Doors song, unless the emphasis is on Vietnam, and then it’s ALL about “Fortunate Son” on the soundtrack.

Yes, yes we understand, it was a time of great social change and upheaval blah blah blah (cue Doors song), but that was mostly because y’all** were running around being the kind of whiny entitled gonna fix the world little bitches you now love to accuse the Millennials of being. Now that you ARE The Man, man.

So, I guess it kind of made sense to give them a name. WW2 was kind of a big deal and (heavy resigned sigh) so were the ’60s. But we’ve kept it going and going and it’s getting ridiculous. Firstly because there’s so much overlap that it’s impossible to clearly and precisely put a start and end date on a “generation”, secondly because there are fewer and fewer stand out characteristics to define a generation, and thirdly because it’s just REALLY REALLY DUMB.

It’s like humanity didn’t already suck enough: “let’s see…… we already define, judge and stereotype people by race, sex, politics, income, diet ….. also which computer they use and where they buy their coffee. What’s left….? I KNOW! Let’s also define, judge and stereotype based on the YEAR YOU WERE BORN!”

Look, we could just about keep it straight with the Boomers and Gen X and the Millennials. But the labels just keep coming and more people are noticing that you can’t pigeonhole people that neatly so they’re coming up with even more micro generations, because apparently we’re not divided enough.

That’s what set me off here, actually. Khaleesi posted a twitter thing from this guy called “Zambian Influencer” (and just his name …sorry…twitter handle…. is making me do an epic Gen X eye roll) about how his micro generation (born 1985-1995) is the most special and clever and bestest of all. And then he hilariously and inaccurately stereotypes the sandwich “generations” (No, ZI, I don’t get scammed by “emails asking for money”)….. oh go ahead and read it here, if you happen to feel like laughing and vomiting at the same time.

(Khaleesi, incidentally, was born in ’95, and yes Honey you ARE unique and special, but not because you were born in ’95***)

ANYWAY, making fun of Boomers aside, I have a new idea. LET’S JUST STOP.

STOP.

Let’s do away with all these silly generation labels, and arguing about the date ranges, and just plop everyone into One Big Generational Melting Pot. E Pluribus unum.

We’re gonna call it, “Generation STFU”

And that’s it. If you are currently alive on Planet Earth, you are now part of “Generation STFU”

You went topless at Woodstock? STFU.

You’ve watched The Breakfast Club 26 times? STFU.

You were born surgically attached to a smartphone? STFU.

Everybody, everywhere. Generation STFU.

………I think I’m gonna go invent us a signature 2 ingredient cocktail. I know I need one after re-reading that Twitter nonsense……. Cue the Generation X Generation STFU eye-roll.

_______________________________________

*Can we just agree to blame the Boomers for EVERYTHING? Unless you are a Boomer reading this. Then not you, obviously. You’re one of the good ones.

It IS their fault though. They had to go ahead and name themselves because they were Just That Special, and then sucked up to their parents (after putting them through THE DAMN ’60s) with that whole “Greatest Generation” stuff, then remembered there was a Generation after them too, and stamped us with an “X” (how lazy can you be, Boomers?)…… And after that it just completely snowballed. In a super fun “everyone’s gonna die in this avalanche” way…….

**Side note: I am not from Texas but I am culturally appropriating “y’all”. I just am.

***It’s because you’re on this blog, obviously.