Because wild turkeys poop on my patio


Nothing ruins a nice glass of chardonnay by the fire pit like a wild turkey wandering through the yard and taking a massive dump right by the outdoor kitchen.  Yes, wild turkeys.  Suicidal squirrels and roving gangs of marauding raccoons and skunks aren’t enough anymore.

Now we get turkeys.

The LAST time we had a turkey roaming the yard it was a mama turkey with like, eight baby turkeys.  Baby turkeys are cute.  But it turns out turkeys are CRAP mothers.  This one flew over the neighbor’s fence and left her babies behind, chirruping under the banana trees.  I don’t know if she thought we’d baby-sit or what …… Anyway the next time we saw her she only had TWO babies.


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